Don't Go Away
by Djinn
Summary: [Shounen ai/yaoi - m/m warning Fujima x Hanagata] In response to Blue-san’s songfic challenge. Fujima reflects on his relationship with Hanagata as he waits for his Harvard University-bound plane to take off.


After ff.net implemented the new rules [most of which I disagree with], I fled to mourn for a while, and returned to realise that I'd missed the back-up-your-now-illegal-fics-you-felon date [which I'd missed in my distress] by an hour. Tough. ^^;; But after a little lamenting over how my newest fic will never see the light of day [being rps. eh.], I decided to, a couple of weeks after finally finishing Deus Misereateur, upload all the [non-NC17 ^^;;] Slam Dunk fics I never got round to uploading over these two years. Most of these are FujiHana, posted at the SDBC [http://www.network54.com/Hide/Forum/13053] first, and quite old. Please bear with me. ^^; Yoroshiku na! Also, I'll have to **thank all the people who reviewed 'Hakanaki Hibi To...'** [http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=416078] so nicely! Though I think it's quite shoddily written now that I look back on it, it'll always be a very important work to me, and to see people actually like it is very moving. Thank you very much! If anyone actually likes FujimaxHanagata, I also happen to be the SDBC-endorsed FujiHana no Miko, and run a FujiHana shrine [http://fujihana.cjb.net] with the rest of my FujiHana fics, and quite a number of [old, though. -_- Haven't had time to upload my newer ones] fanart [and other resources], though it's been thrown into disarray right now by my exams and a previous hosting problem. Do drop by for a visit! One last thing - as far as FujiHana fics go, the coup de grâce of this bloc of uploads would actually be **Deus Misereatur**, rated R, so if you do want a look see, remember to check that out [seeing as ff.net doesn't include R in its normal listing. -_-]. 

This fic was inspired by the challenge Blue-san [http://digilander.libero.it/blueandpuzzled/] threw up involving the Oasis song 'Don't Go Away' and working the lyrics into character speech. Thank you, Blue-san! It was just a spur-of-the-moment fic. 

**Technical Notes :**Most of the fic is from Fujima's POV. The tone's a little dark, and Fujima swears quite a bit, a little more intense than usual. No offence intended in anyway. Also, the song here, as mentioned before, is 'Don't go Away', property of Oasis. Makes a good background listen to the fic too. 

  


**Don't Go Away...**  
by Djinn 

_Cold and frosty morning, there's not a lot to say  
About the things caught in my mind  
And as the day was dawning my plane flew away  
With all the things caught in my mind_

I know I told myself that I wasn't going to think about it, but when you come down to it all, it's just a bit too hard not to do that. It's been three years, three real years. It wasn't just a summertime fling, even if I do try to pass it off as nothing more than that, sometimes. 

Three fucking years. 

Not, of course, that I'm trying to be funny. 

There're some things I'd never admit, and in a terrible, prideful way, this is one of them. But it's really cold in here, and the prick snoring away next to me is making me really homesick, even if I just boarded the plane, like, what, two minutes ago? 

_"What's going on?!"_

And the fact that your voice keeps ringing in my head isn't really helping things either. 

_"What's going on?! Why didn't you tell me?! Didn't you think that I should know?!" _

"Touru...Hana-chan..." 

"Don't call me that! You're not making it better!" 

I should have just slapped you. You just wouldn't shut up. But I guess you had the right to rail at me like that. I didn't really mean to do what I did. I just didn't know how to say it, I guess. I just didn't know how. 

_"It's not like you're jet setting off to Tokyo for a week in Disneyland. It's America. AMERICA! That's a whole world away! You're going to be gone for two whole years! Don't you think I deserve to know about it?! What were you thinking?! Kenji!"_

It's like a fucking tape recorder in my head. Every word that you said. 

_"You said we were going to university together! You said you'd stay with me! You said you didn't care what the hell your father would say! You LIED to me!"_

I didn't really lie. I just didn't know what the hell I was saying. It's easy to make promises. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just...I just wanted to make you happy. For a little while. 

...Yeah, right. Lame, Kenji. That's just lame. 

But I really didn't mean to hurt you. I never do. 

_I don't want to be there when... _

"You're coming down, dammit! You're losing it! Did you think I would never find out?!" 

I don't want to be there when... 

"You'll hit the ground before you know it! Didn't you even stop to THINK?! Didn't you stop and consider for a moment that I might CARE that you're going to just up and leave me for two years and not even tell me?! It's not just that you lied, you didn't even bother to think about me, to tell me! I'm happy for you, see?! I'm g-glad that you got into H-Harvard! I don't r-really MIND that you're going to LEAVE ME ALONE, BUT I'D LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT IT!!!" 

I really didn't mean to. I really didn't. I know I don't show it much, but I do care. Even if I hurt you, even if I say things that I don't mean, things like - 

_"Well. I've been thinking about it. Maybe we should...stop seeing each other."_

I didn't really mean it. It was just one of the things that had to be said, even if I didn't want to. It isn't so simple. It's not a fairytale romance. The prince isn't supposed to run off with his chancellor, he's supposed to marry the princess. Not that I ever acted like a prince towards you, but...it's just not...like that. The real world's a lot more complicated than love. 

But I didn't mean to make you cry. I didn't know you would. I didn't know you would look at me with those eyes like that, talk like that... 

_"Don't go away..." _

Say what you say  
Say that you'll stay  
Forever and a day...in the time of my life 

But... 

_I need more time, yes I need more time just to make things right..._

I'm sorry. There, I've said it. I really am. But it really isn't that simple. 

_Damn my situation and the games I have to play  
With all the things caught in my mind_

It's all part of being a Fujima, along with the money and the looks and the style, it's always there, like an ugly rotten core. It's all about the Fujima law, the Fujima pride. A Harvard education, get an heir, find a bride. 

Kanagawa's a small place. And you're not exactly a bride. 

More's the pity. 

I don't want to do this, I really don't. I just have to do it, that's all. 

...That's fucking all. 

_Damn my education I can't find the words to say  
With all the things caught in my mind_

I guess that's why I just couldn't bring myself to tell you - what could I say? I don't want to leave you, but I have to, anyway? Dammit, I don't want to do this, but I just don't have a choice. Not even if I can't forget that pleading puppy-dog look in your eyes, even if I can't forget that half-sob, half-whisper of your voice. 

_"Don't go away..." _

Say what you say  
Say that you'll stay  
Forever and a day...in the time of my life 

It's just not so simple, nothing is, nothing will ever be. I used to think that everything would be okay, but after that fucking match with those Shohoku pricks, I know better. We grow up, Touru. We all have to grow up sometime. And parting's part of growing up. 

It has to be. 

Even if I don't want it to be. 

...I have to go away. 

_I need more time, yes I need more time just to make things right..._

...I've never felt this way before. 

This empty aching in my heart. 

The fucking seatbelt signal is coming on, I guess the plane's finally going to take off. I'm going away. America for two years. Harvard. I'm going to be an Ivy Leaguer. And there's still nothing that I've managed to make right. 

And I'm starting to regret... 

I never regret. 

...Almost never. 

I'm starting to regret that...I never really said goodbye... 

There's still nothing that I've managed to make right. 

I miss you. I really do. Now that I've lost you. I really miss you. 

All those years, I just hurt you, again and again. But you never complained, you never fought back, you never even got angry. Well...till last night. You were always there, and I just took you for granted, all the time. Like you'd always be there, even if I weren't here anymore. 

But I guess that's over now. 

I didn't see you at the airport. I suppose that's really too much to ask after what I did last night. I must have seemed like a real jerk to throw you out even when you were crying like that. 

But I just didn't know what to do. 

Now I've lost you. 

Now... 

Me and you... 

_"What's going on...?" _

All we seem to know is how to show  
The feelings that are wrong 

It's silly, really. 

It's only now, that I'm going away. 

That I've lost you. 

That I dare to admit, if only to myself. 

I love you. 

_...As the day was dawning my plane flew away  
With all the things caught in my mind_

He pressed his fingers against the glass, gazing up through the transparent sheet at the Boeing that was winging its way east. His 197 centimetres cut an imposing figure, and the rest of the multitudes at the Departure Hall automatically distanced themselves from the solitary character at the Viewing Gallery. 

It was just as well. 

The reflection off the thick lenses of the severe black frames that he wore hid his eyes, consequently hiding, too, the fresh tears that welled as the plane receded into the distance, a little silver flash in the horizon...then, nothing at all. 

It was just as well. 

_...Don't go away._

**END**

  


I'll say here, though I really shouldn't, that I quite like this one. ^.^;; Especially a few turns of phrases that worked out better than I expected. I really quite like the air of it too. So I really really have to thank Blue-san for throwing out the challenge. *bows* Arigatou, Blue-san! 


End file.
